Just a couple of the ingenious phone calls I’ve gotten at work last week:
Me: “BigPharm Pharmacy, how may I help you?”
Girl: “Do you sell butter?”
Who the hell calls a pharmacy for butter? My sister told me I should’ve told her that our store doesn’t sell butter, but *I* do, and I can milk our cow out back and churn it fresh for her if she comes in the next 30 minutes.
Me: “BigPharm Pharmacy, how may I help you?”
Dude: “Hey there, can I speak to the pharmacist?”
Me: “Yes sir, I’m the pharmacist, how can I help you?”
Dude: “Well, I got a problem here. I got some REEEEAL nasty breath, an’ it just ain’t goin’ away! What is that??”
Me: “Umm…well–”
Dude: “I brush my teeth an’ use mouthwash an’ everythin’, and it still stinks real bad!!”
Me: “Well sir, I’m not a dental expert, so I can’t really tell you, but the only other thing I can think of is that certain foods may affect your breath. Otherwise, if it’s bothersome to you, you might want to speak to a dentist about the issue” (translation: I don’t know, so please stop asking)
Dude: “I mean, I don’t smoke or do dip or nothin’, I don’t know what’s up!!”
Me: “I don’t know either sir, you might want to consult a dentist” (translation: I DON’T KNOW, PLEASE STOP WASTING MY TIME)
Dude: “But y’all know more about this than I do!!”
Me: *facepalm*
The Pharm Monster 