Archive for January, 2010

Yesterday my shift supervisor got bored and decided to make random announcements over the intercom. First he announced a fake birthday for an associate. Then he got on the intercom with the following:

“Attention BigPharm shoppers…we just wanted to say congratulations to our wonderful pharmacist on her engagement to uh…”Samuel”. A big congratulations to her!”

I dialed up to the front and asked him if he was retarded. I also told him he was a dead man. A couple of hours later, I decided it was payback time. I got on the intercom and flawlessly (and cheerfully) announced:

“Attention BigPharm customers…we just wanted to say congratulations to our shift supervisor J on the birth of his baby boy Maximilian Amadeus. If you see him around, please congratulate him on this wonderful addition to his family, and thank you for shopping at BigPharm!”

I think the next step is buying some cigars for the occasion.


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Just a few days ago, I had this gem of a conversation with a patient:

Mr. Loopy: So where are you from?
Me: I’m from here in Big City.
Mr. Loopy: Oh…you look Asian.

I don’t even know what to say to that.

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Unfinished business

Two weeks ago I had what was easily THE strangest case I’ve seen thus far in my store. While I was going about my usual work, I noticed a young man sitting in the waiting area of the pharmacy. Just that he wasn’t just sitting…he was uh…slumped over. He had gym pants on with a bag next to him, and the way he was positioned, it actually looked like he was just stretching or something. Then he didn’t move. My tech walks over and asks him if he’s been helped. No response. My techs and I exchange looks, not knowing what to do. Our manager happened to be taking care of stuff in the back of the store near the pharmacy, so we call her over and tell her the guy hasn’t been responding…she sits down next to him and taps him on the back, asking if he needs help. That’s when the guy wakes up…he looks groggy, his eyes are bloodshot, and he’s got a swollen lip. We notice that he’s got a hospital band on…my tech asks him again if he’s waiting on a prescription or not…he says yes, and we look him up in the computer. Turn out he doesn’t have anything filled at my store, but he’s got prescriptions on file at another store about 10-15 minutes away from us. I notice that the only script filled for him today was for 90 tablets of an anti-anxiety medication called Xanax. The guy looks a little sketchy, but the hospital wristband is that part that made me wonder if he was legitimately in need of help, or if he was just uh…chemically altered, if you catch my drift. He clearly doesn’t look to be in any condition to be traveling back to the other store, so we ask if he wants us to transfer the prescriptions here to my store so that he can pick them up. He starts mumbling in slurred speech about how he needs his prescriptions, how he’s not feeling well, and babbling about his financials and other junk. Bottom line: this dude didn’t answer my question, and he isn’t making any sense. Things get kinda busy, so my techs and I leave him alone to straighten things out, and we figured we’d ask him again later if he wants us to transfer his scripts. He wanders off into the vitamin aisle, comes back to us with a few bottles of vitamins, and starts rambling on about refunds and returns…my tech says “Umm….if you want to return something, you should take it to the front registers.” He wanders off to the front of the store (while leaving his bags and everything at the waiting area)…and he doesn’t come back. After a while, my techs and I started to wonder where the hell this kid went, since he left all of his junk back in our waiting area, ready for anyone to swipe it away. A while later, our manager comes to the back with a “WTF?” look on her face…we ask her what happened, and she said the guy had just taken the two bottles of vitamins to the front and tried to return them. She said she told him she wasn’t refunding him jack shit, because she freakin’ SAW him take them right off the shelf. Then she found him wandering around the back stockroom…when she asked what he was doing there, he said he was looking for a restroom. After hearing all that, I didn’t care if this guy just got out of a hospital or not, clearly this guy needs to go. He finally comes back to the pharmacy, and starts babbling on to my tech about how he doesn’t know why “thaa girl keeps hassssling me” when he just “nee’ to pick up my prescriptions…”…he tells her he’s not feeling well, etc. etc. I ask him once again if he wants us to transfer his prescriptions here to my store so he can take them and go. This time he starts rambling about how he might not have enough to pay for his meds…in which I look up the price and tell him it’ll be a total of $40.29. He mumbles “I don’ know if I haff that much on me…”, and he starts to dig through his pockets. Then I see him stand up and start to undo his belt buckle. This is where I get scared…I start keeping an eye on him, and the whole time I’m thinking “If he drops his pants and exposes himself to everyone in the store, I am throwing him out…I am throwing him the FUCK out of this store.” He unbuckles his belt, and starts to pull his pants down…and to my relief, he has another pair of pants underneath. He starts digging through those, so again I leave him alone to start fishing for cash while I’m taking care of other patients. Finally, as I’m ringing up another customer, he interrupts me in the middle of the transaction (the woman I was ringing up looked a little annoyed too) and tells me “Ma’am…m-ma’am, I really don’t have enough to pay for my medication, is-is there any way you can just lend me some? I PROMISE I’ll re-reeeimbursse you somehow…” I told him that the medication he was getting was a controlled substance (Xanax has a high rate of abuse, and is therefore considered a controlled substance), and by Texas state law, I absolutely CANNOT loan him any of those. He asks again what I can do…I politely tell him that there’s nothing I can do for him if he can’t pay for the medication…I explain that just like any other business, if you can’t pay, we can’t give him the merchandise. He finally looks like he gets the picture, and starts packing up his stuff…just as I’m finishing up the transaction with patient that I’m ringing up, I see him look at all the crap he’s dug out of his pockets, and then he calls out to woman that I’m ringing up…”Ma’am….’scuuuse me, ma’am…” I cut him off there and then: “Sir, I am NOT going to let you panhandle my other customers.” He backs off…”I uh….I waasn’t gonn’ panhandle her…I think thass offensive tha’ you saay that…” My manager comes back to check up on us again, and she asks the guy if he’s got anyone that can pick him up from the store. He says he’s not from here, and he doesn’t have any family in town. My manager tells him there’s a Metro station right across the street from the store, and that it can take him as far as downtown. He finally packs up all his shit and leaves. I thought that was the end of it.

About 10 minutes later, the kid freakin’ COMES BACK to my store…this time he’s got a drink in his hand (where the hell did you get a drink if you couldn’t pay for your meds?), and this time he’s magically got $21 on him. He comes up to me with a crumpled 20 dollar bill and a single, and he says “C-can you just fill haaalf of it with this?” I tell him I’ll call the other store to see if I can get that transferred, so he sits down at the waiting area again while I call. I call the other store, and ask them to transfer the script over…in the meantime, I also ask the technician on the other line if he could possibly tell me where the script came from, since the guy seems to have a hospital band on his wrist. He puts me on hold, and when he gets back on the line, he tells me that the scripts came from just a regular outpatient clinic. Meaning that wristband probably WASN’T from today, and may have been a week old for all we know. I ask the guy to just transfer the script over so I can fill half of it and get this kid the hell out of my store. I hang up, and tell the guy that we’re working on getting the script transferred over, so if he can wait another 15 minutes or so, we can have it ready for him. He thanks me, and says “Sssorry to bother you again, but can I uuuse your restroooom again?” I point him in the right direction, and wait for the other pharmacy to transfer the script. I also noticed that this kid had just left his 21 dollars out on the counter, ready for anyone to take…I roll my eyes, and keep the 21 dollars behind the counter so that no one steals it. Shortly after the guy wanders off to the restroom, the other store calls me back. I pick up the phone…the technician at the other store tells me “Hey, this guy actually already picked up the prescription.” I say “You’re kidding me….” He responds “Nope…he picked it up this morning around 8:30 or so, and he paid $40.29 for it.” Well son of a bitch…looks like I won’t be filling jack shit for this guy now. I wait around for the guy to come back so I can break the news to him and get him the hell out of my store. Time passes. More time passes. His bag and his 21 bucks are still sitting around in my pharmacy. At this point I start wondering if the guy is still even in the store. I call up to the front…I get the shift supervisor on the line and I ask him “Hey, you know that guy that was here earlier? I’ve kinda got a weird request, but he went to use the restroom a while ago, and he hasn’t come back…do you think you can go check up on him just to make sure he isn’t doing anything funny in there?” The supervisor agrees to check for me…a few minutes later, he walks back to the pharmacy along with our assistant manager with a wide-eyed look. I ask them “So what’s up? Is he still in there?” They tell me “He is freaking PASSED OUT in there. He’s totally passed, with a buncha stuff lying all around him and everything…you wanna see it?” On one hand, I don’t really want to see this, but on the other hand, I’m kinda curious about it…I think about it for a moment, and they tell me “Well, you’re the pharmacist, so you’ve got the medical knowledge…we don’t know what’s wrong with the guy, we just know he’s totally passed out in there.” I follow them to the men’s room…the manager unlocks the door and pushes it open a crack. He tells me “You better hold your nose…it stinks in there.” I push the door open a bit more, and there he is…pants around his ankles, slumped over on the toilet, with all sorts of junk scattered on the floor around him. It was like something out of a movie. One item that I noticed on the ground was…tada! A prescription bottle! Probably the Xanax that he thought he was going to transfer. At the very least I knew he was breathing, because he was snoring while he was sitting pantless on the can. I decided I didn’t need to see anymore (the dude had his pants down for Christ’s sake), and we closed the door on him and had the manager call an ambulance to get him out. NEVER seen anything like it…this dude was so messed up that he couldn’t even finish his own bodily functions. I left my shift for the day…later on I found out that the paramedics went through his bags and found out that he was some homeless street kid. My job consists of several duties…finding pantless druggies slumped over on toilets is NOT one of them…drugs are bad, mmkay?

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Week in review

This has seriously been a weird week at work. Just a few snippets for now, but in this past week alone, I’ve had the following happen:

  • I had seriously one of the most EXTREME druggies I’ve ever seen wander into my pharmacy. It’s a long story, but I’ll definitely blog more about this one later
  • I had a guy storm in to pick up his meds…he walks in and says with a thick foreign accent “I need my medication.” My technician asks for his name, and he goes “YOU KNOW YOU HAVE MY MEDICATION, I DON’T WANT TO TALK TO YOU, JUST GIVE IT TO ME.” I come around and tell him that we need his name to give him his damn medications, because 1) we’re not psychic, and 2) unless you’re Johnny Depp, I won’t have any clue who the hell you are. He says “You want to know my name? Here, HERE’S MY ID, JUST GIVE ME MY MEDICATION”, and proceeds to dig his ID out of his wallet and throws it at us. He continues to bitch me out, only to find out that his meds weren’t even at my store. When I told him they were at a different store, he claimed that he was going to have his lawyer talk to the staff at the other store tomorrow, and threatened to have his lawyer talk to me too if I didn’t get  the situation taken care of. Because threatening to sue me for “bad service” will TOTALLY have me shaking in my boots. One way or another, I had his meds transferred to my store and got him the hell out of there so that he wouldn’t harrass anyone else. I’m sure his lawyer will be thrilled to hear from him. 😛
  • A guy came up to my counter telling me that his daughter fell in one of the aisles. I followed him over, and I saw his daughter on the ground, clutching her elbow, with a box of cough syrup lying next to her. She said she slipped on the box of cough syrup. I MIGHT have believed it if it was just a bottle lying on the ground, but a box? The other part is that our floors are carpeted, meaning they would probably provide a decent amount of friction if someone were to “slide” on a box of cough syrup. I decided that I didn’t want to have ANY part in this mess, and immediately called a manager to the aisle to assess the situation. Next thing I know, all sorts of district bigwigs are in the store, helping this lady up, offering to give her over-the-counter stuff to help with her elbow, all while filling out an incident report. After everything calms down and they leave the store, I find out from my manager that when they watched the surveillance tape, it turns out there was no box of cough syrup on the ground to begin with…she was just walking down the aisle and straight up fell out of nowhere. Thanks for wasting our time while making a sad attempt to milk some money out of us.
  • A shoplifter got busted at my store on New Year’s Eve. He tried to walk out with $130 worth of merchandise stuffed in his pants, his jacket, and some of it in his hat. My manager brought back the basket full of all the stuff that he tried to steal, and it seriously weighs as much as 3 gallon jugs of milk in a basket. LOTS of stuff. It would’ve been impressive if he got away with it, and if he was stealing good shit, but the contents of what he stole is what puzzled me…the $130 of stuff that he stole consisted of SHITLOADS of shampoo and conditioner, nail clippers, foot creams, and nail files. What the HELL are you going to do with all that, and who the hell are you selling it to? I found out later that apparently people will steal random mundane things like this, and sell it for cheap at flea markets. Crazy stuff.

All in the last week of the year. Looks like 2009 wanted to have a little extra fun before 2010 came in, haha. 😛

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