Archive for November, 2009

A few nights ago a young-ish Middle Eastern guy showed up at my consultation window. Pretty good looking guy, very well-dressed, looked to be in his 20s or so. The first thing he says to me is “Ehhh….umm….I sorry, but my English is not good.” I tell him it’s not a problem, and tell him to proceed with his question. He tells me “Ehmm…I…uh..need…a creme or ahh…gel?” I look at him, waiting for him to tell me what kind of cream or gel he needs. I say “Ok, you need a cream or a gel for…?” He says “Ehh…for umm….ah…” Then he makes a fist and starts to shake it back and forth. Kinda similar to a motion someone would make for jerking off? Or it could’ve looked like someone shaking some dice in their fist. I didn’t want to make assumptions yet, because 1) since this guy was clearly foreign, the motion for jerking off here in America may not be the same wherever he was from, and 2) if I had mistakenly taken him to the aisle with the condoms and lubricants, I could have a lawsuit on my hands for embarrassing him or subjecting him to something offensive. So I ask for more clarification…”Do you need a cream or gel because your skin is itching? Or you have dry skin?” He stutters some more and says “Uh…no? For umm….” He trails off. I say “For…?” and look at him inquisitively, waiting for an answer. Before I could even finish my sentence, he automatically says “Yes!” At this point, I decide to risk it and take him to the condom and lubricant aisle, and show him the KY Jelly. I ask him “Are you using it for when you’re with a woman?” He doesn’t seem to understand the word “woman”, but he says “Ehh….it for um…when I am with friend…um…boy? OH nononono, girl, when I am with girl!” So now I know for sure I’m in the right aisle. So I point at the KY and the Astroglide, and tell him that’s probably what he’s looking for. Then he starts asking me which one is better. Hell, I have no idea. I awkwardly try to explain that some of them are warming gels…he didn’t understand what I was saying and I gave up. Finally, he asks “So…this good for uh…umm….” He does his fist shaking motion again. “How you call…umm….freeky freeky?” There’s something awkward and somewhat endearing about how he called it “freeky freeky”…mainly because this poor guy clearly has a VERY limited grasp on the English language (he didn’t understand the word “woman”, but knew the term “girl”), and yet – probably from TV and radio – the only term that he’s been exposed to for sex is “freeky freeky”. Hehe. 🙂 He struggles a little more with his words, and finally he pats his own butt, and says “Ehh…umm….how you call this part?” THAT’S when I finally understood what this guy was looking for. After trudging through all the gestures and deciphering the broken English, I finally find out what he needs: this guy is looking for lube for butt sex. WOW. I immediately point to the KY and the Astroglide. He asks me which is better. Hell, I DON’T KNOW…I tell him I see more people buy KY or Astroglide…after examining the boxes, he says he’s seen the KY logo before, thanked me, and was on his way. My list of awkward moments in the pharmacy just keeps getting longer.


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