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Archive for the ‘please don’t breed’ Category

Dear Mr. FluCrier,

You’re friendly enough. You’re not exactly rude to me or my staff. But you’re just plain OBNOXIOUS. I could do an entire entry dedicated to your usual obnoxious behavior, but you REALLY went over your usual level of annoyance when you decided this time to be obnoxious not just to my staff, but to other patients as well.

There was a couple getting flu shots from my colleague. You happened to come to the pharmacy around that time. You were about to stop at the drop off window to ask my technician for a prescription refill, when you spotted these two strangers about to get a flu shot. You then decided to walk past the drop-off window, and make a beeline straight for these two people who were about to get their vaccines. My co-worker was in the middle of giving the shot, with the syringe in hand, perfectly poised and ready to inject the person with some good ol’ flu protection, when you decided to barge in (excuse you?) and ask the couple “Why are you getting a flu shot? I wouldn’t do it!” You then decided to share with the couple that the last time you had a flu shot, you got HORRIBLY sick, and felt the need to tell them that you’d NEVER get another flu shot again. NEVER NEVER NEVER. All of this is happening while my poor co-worker has the syringe already in his hand, in position to be injected. He’s got a shocked “What the fuck is your problem?” look on his face. The couple politely smiled and nodded. You look satisfied with informing these two complete strangers that they were doomed to be deathly ill from their injections, and then strolled back to the drop-off window to ask for your prescription refill. After the couple had received their flu shots, they decided to hang around the waiting area for a while. I don’t know if they were waiting on a ride or anything of the sort, but they were minding their own business, reading magazines and chatting amongst themselves. My tech and I finish your prescription, and my tech rings you up for your meds. You could’ve been like any other normal human being and simply walked out with your prescription and moved on with your life, but that’s not how you roll. Because instead of simply walking out and carrying on with your day, you decide to finalize your status as “Annoying Asshole of the Day” by turning to the newly-vaccinated couple, and say to them “I really hope you two don’t get sick…but I think you will,” and then you walked off, again looking satisfied that you just informed these two people that they were apparently about to meet their doom from the half a milliliter of liquid that was just injected into their arms.

Really? Was that really necessary?? Do you walk up to people eating sushi and say “Is that raw fish? I hope you won’t die from mercury poisoning, but I think you will” ? I appreciate your concern for the health of others, but this is a case where “mind your own fucking business” kinda comes into play. Just a little.

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Dear Mr. StupidWithAnAttitude,

If you haven’t noticed by now, you’re one of the few people that I’m forced to be curt with, because the minute I show any degree of friendliness, you suddenly feel like you can get special treatment. Or that I can suddenly do magical favors and materialize special products out of thin air just for you. Your high demands for just about everything in life never fail to amaze me. Just one example:

  • One day you walked in complaining to me that you’ve been feeling really bloated and need something to “detoxify” yourself. I point out our own colon detox cleansing system. You look at the box and say “I want the BEST thing you have.” I keep things short and sweet with you, because I know if I don’t give a firm answer, you’ll keep pestering me for eons about useless shit. I tell you it’s a good product, I’ve seen plenty of other customers use it, and haven’t heard of any issues. You look at the box a little more and nod approvingly. Then you ask me if it’ll help with bloating. I point to the part on the box where it says in big freakin’ capital letters “REDUCES BLOATING.” You look at it, then shake your head with disapproval and say “No, I don’t want something that just reduces bloating, I want something that will leave me with NO bloating.” Then you look at me like I’m an idiot for recommending such an inferior product. I tell you through gritted teeth that that’s all we’ve got, so either take it or stop bitching and go the fuck home.

That’s just ONE of many incidents that I’ve had with you, all with similar results. Which leads me to today:

  • You walk in, and again, you ask for me. How cute, you know me by name. No, that doesn’t give you any special treatment. You ask me if we sell travel masks. I point to aisle 12 and tell you you’ll find them there. You wander off to aisle 12. Then you freakin’ SHOUT for me from the aisle, and tell me “I don’t see them, they’re not here. You said aisle 12,” and wave for me to come to you in the aisle like I’m some servant. I decide to be defiant (HELL no I’m not walking over there like a dog) and simply shout back “Look on the bottom of the shelf, on your right hand side.” You magically find the masks that you previously claimed weren’t there. But noooooo….knowing you, just finding the product isn’t enough, because every time you find something, you ALWAYS BRING IT BACK TO ME TO PESTER ME ABOUT IT. You bring back the masks, and you point out that it says “Procedural Facemasks” on the packaging. You look at it disapprovingly (why do I go through this same song and dance with you EVERY FUCKING TIME?), and ask me if they can be used for travel masks. What I wanted to say was “YES YOU CAN FUCKING USE THEM FOR TRAVEL”…what I actually said was “Yes, you can use those for travel.” You look at the box some more, look at me like I’m an idiot for suggesting such an inferior product, and declare that it’s not what you’re looking for. You also point out that it’s a box of 50, and you don’t need 50. I tell you that’s all we have on the shelves. You look at me, and point out again that you don’t need 50 masks. I point out AGAIN that all we’ve got are boxes of 50. AGAIN you mutter to yourself that you don’t need 50 masks. Look jackass, first of all, apparently this wasn’t what you were looking for to begin with, so why is quantity even an issue? And I’m definitely not going to open the box and just sell you a handful of masks, no matter how many fucking times you tell me you don’t need 50 freakin’ masks. Take it or leave it, dude. And don’t look at me like I’m an idiot when you’re the one asking the stupid questions.

Mr. StupidWithAnAttitude, you can’t seem to even buy a box of Kleenex without asking me some inane question about it, and then you always disapprove of my answers, and look at me like I just told you to go give my manager a blowjob. If you don’t like the answers I give you or the products I recommend, then WHY DO YOU KEEP ON FUCKING ASKING? Are you doing this on purpose? Are you just picking on me? Am I on Candid Camera? I actually kind of hope that you ARE doing this on purpose, because I hate to imagine that anyone could possibly be that stupid AND entitled at the same time. And no, you’re not going to shit out cotton balls if you eat some of that Kleenex, thanks for asking.

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Today I had a lady bring me two boxes of contact lens solution to me to ask what the difference was between the two of them. I tell her they’re basically the same thing, and point to the bigger box and tell her that it’s actually a better deal, because you get two WAY bigger bottles for a cheaper price. Before I even get a chance to say anything else, she TEARS OPEN the bigger box in front of me to look at the bottles inside, declares that she wouldn’t be able to take them on a plane, and tells me she’ll buy the smaller box. What the hell? That’s like going to a china shop, breaking a plate, then refusing to pay for it because it wasn’t the one you wanted. I politely tell her that since she already TORE THE F*CKIN’ BOX OPEN, she’d have to pay for it. Instead of having the sensible reaction of “Oops, I’m sorry, let me go ahead and buy that” (because that would make WAY too much sense), she instead rolls her eyes and says “Are you serious? But I can’t carry these on a plane!” I politely (through gritted teeth) tell her yes, I’m serious, and that she’d have to buy this box that she decided to nonchalantly tear open (thereby rendering it unfit for resale) in front of me. She asks “Can’t you just glue it back together?” (seriously? WTF?) I tell her no. She says “Well, I know *I* could glue it back together if I had some.” (awww…good for you..you mean you didn’t snort the glue when you were a kid? Or as an adult, for that matter?) She bitches some more, then hands me her card and says “Whatever, I can’t believe you’re making me pay an extra 6 dollars for something like this. Either way, thanks for your help.” I tell her no problem, in which she was quick to snap back “I was being sarcastic, I can’t believe you’re doing this.” I flash her a million dollar smile before my tech decides to be my savior and take over, since I had scripts waiting to be filled and phone calls to take.

I’ll be sure to take her advice on the glue. 😛

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Yesterday a red lamborghini pulled into our drive thru. This happened right when I was switching shifts with my pharmacy manager, and she says to everyone “Hey guys, there’s a really fancy car in the drive thru! Check it out before it’s gone!” While we were all oohing and aahing the flashy red lamborghini, two guys step out of the car. Then they pull out a tarp to cover their car. THEN THEY LEAVE THE CAR IN THE FUCKING DRIVE THRU LANE. My pharmacy manager shouts through the window “HEY! HEY! Who said you could leave that there??” The two dudes tell her with thick Eastern European accents “But it’s raining! We’ll be right back, just five minutes.” She tells them “That’s not our problem. It’s a busy time for us right now, and we need that drive-thru lane.” They ignored her, and ran away. Nothing says “I’m a douchebag with no regard for any level of human courtesy” like treating a drive-thru lane like covered parking. We call our store manager, and she runs out into the rain to chase after them too…she comes back in, and said by the time she got out there, the two dudes were already running off towards the gas station NEXT DOOR. I called a tow truck to get their asses towed, but they took their car back before the truck could arrive. My bar for douchebaggery has officially been reset. 😛

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I was working on Saturday, where my store closes at 8pm on weekends. A guy showed up about 10 minutes to closing with a script for Tamiflu liquid for his son…since there’s a nationwide shortage of the liquid, we now have to make it from scratch by breaking open Tamiflu capsules and mixing them with a special kind of cherry syrup. We also have to recalculate the dosage, rewrite the directions for the script, etc. etc. Bottom line, is that it’ll take a while, and it’ll definitely put me at work past closing time. I tell the guy that it’ll take me about 20-30 minutes to get the medication ready for him because of this, but I’ll take the script, and he’ll be my last customer for the day. I let him sit in the waiting area, and I lowered the pharmacy gate halfway so that the guy won’t be completely closed in if he wants to wander out to the rest of the store.

While I’m working on the script, at around 20 minutes AFTER closing, some guy decides to DUCK UNDER THE HALF-CLOSED GATE. I’m obviously irritated by this, and inform him that we’re closed. He looks around, and says “Oh god, oh god, are you serious??” “Yes sir, we’re closed”. “Oh my god, I have a prescription that I need to pick up right now, oh my god oh my god.” The guy seriously looks like he’s about to cry and faint at the same time, so I’m under the impression that it’s for something pretty important. I figure it’ll take less than a minute to ring him up for his meds, so I ask for his name. I try to look up his name in the system, and it’s not there. I ask if he’s sure the doctor called it in to my pharmacy, and not somewhere else. Turns out the doc is his brother, so he proceeds to call his brother and panic on the phone for another 5-10 minutes, trying to figure out where the script was called. Did I mention that I could’ve been DONE with that Tamiflu script by now?

Anyway, he finds that the script was indeed called in to my store, so I look around a little more. This whole time he’s pleading, BEGGING that I find the script, because he REALLY needs it, and needs it soon. I’m thinking “Damn, this sounds like something life-threatening or urgent.” I dig through our box of scripts for people who aren’t on file, and sure enough, I found his script. I look at it, and I see that it’s written for VIAGRA. The other part? This guy’s MY AGE. As in 25-26 years old. WTF SERIOUSLY?? You ducked under a half-closed gate (which I thought would’ve been an obvious sign that the place is CLOSED), panicked like you were about to die without some oh-so-important medication, and kept me from making a FAR more important medication for a child sick with the flu for some fucking VIAGRA??? I tell him I’ve got the script, but since we’re closed, I can’t fill it for him. He starts panicking more. “Oh god, oh god, I mean, I completely understand that, but isn’t there ANYTHING you can do? ANYTHING??” I tell him I’d have to find a 24-hour store that I could fax the script to, and they could fill it. “Oh my god, can you PLEASE do that for me? Ohmygod ohmygod, PLEASE, I’ll go ANYWHERE, I just need that script…” I give a heavy (but silent) sigh, and start calling around to find a damn 24 hour store to fax this script so this guy can get a boner. Around this time, my night manager comes in to close out the cash registers, and while I’m calling, I tell the guy he’ll have to be patient because I have to call around until I find a 24 hour store. Luckily, my night manager piped up and mentioned that he thought one of the stores farther down was open 24 hours, so I promptly called that store, and found a pharmacist that able to take the script out of my hands. I faxed the script over, and Boner-man bolted out the door.

I finish up the Tamiflu, ring up the man who actually NEEDED his freakin’ medication, and close out for the night, leaving 45 minutes after closing. It’s not the latest I’ve ever stayed after closing (I stayed 2 hours after once), but I could’ve been out earlier if this other dude didn’t come in freaking out for some emergency wood. But I guess being able to have a good story almost makes it worth staying that extra time.

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I’ve started working full time at my pharmacy. I’m still trying to get used to the idea that I’M the one who calls the shots now, and that if something goes wrong, people are looking to ME for answers. Yikes. Here are a few highlights from my first two weeks of working as a big girl on my own in the pharmacy:

  • Some blond chick came in with a massive cold sore on her lip, asking what I’d recommend over the counter. I told her Abreva, and she immediately shot it down, saying it doesn’t work. Then she asked if using tea tree oil or rubbing alcohol would work. I told her I didn’t know about the tea tree oil, but the rubbing alcohol would probably hurt a bit, because it would burn. Her response? “Girl, I’ve been putting Lysol on this thing.” Then she proceeded to ask me if it’s okay to use Lysol, asking if she’s going to die from it or anything. I said she probably wasn’t going to die unless she actually swallowed it. She asks me if I want to take a closer look at the cold sore. I politely decline. I ask her if there’s been any sort of discharge coming from the sore, in which she responds “Ack, that kinda grosses me out when you say that.” Because asking me to take a closer look at your cold sore isn’t gross either. She goes back to asking about what to do about the cold sore…after she shoots down all of my OTC recommendations, I tell her she might want to see a doc instead, and suggested either Zovirax cream or acyclovir tablets, pointing out that the tabs would help more if this is a recurrent problem. She says “Oh, I don’t swallow pills.” I suggested that if it’s a problem, she can break them in half. She says “No no, I don’t swallow pills, period. It just doesn’t happen.” Mentally I’m thinking “You must’ve swallowed SOMETHING to get that nasty cold sore on your lip.”
  • During my second week EVER of working on my own as a pharmacist, a DPS officer waltzes into my store asking to seize some forged prescriptions for an investigation. The officer noticed my deer in headlights look, and jokingly said “I should probably yell at your manager for leaving you here by yourself the one time a DPS officer shows up.”
  • Druggies provide an endless amount of entertainment (and sometimes anxiety) for me on the job. Just last night, a guy rolled up through my drive through right around closing time. I open the window to ask if I can help him, and I see this scraggly looking shirtless dude in his 20s in the driver’s seat. He gives me a confused look, then shuffles through some junk in his car, and without saying a word, hands me two crumpled prescriptions. I look at the scripts…one has an antibiotic and a pain medication written on it, and the other has a muscle relaxant and a codeine cough syrup written on it. Cuz you know, when you’re sick enough to need antibiotics, pain killers, muscle relaxants, and codeine cough syrup, it TOTALLY makes sense to drive around town shirtless at 10 pm.
  • Every time I get a script for an antibiotic with dosing that’s typical for an STD, I always mentally think “Uh oh, someone’s got CHLAMYDIA.”
  • Someone took a crap in my store. No joke. The guy came to the back asking where our restroom was…my tech points him in the right direction, and tells him he’ll page someone to unlock the door for him. 10 minutes later, our floor manager comes to visit us back in the pharmacy, and he tells us that someone just took a crap IN FRONT of the bathroom door…because apparently no one came quickly enough? Gross.

So that’s my life at work so far. Countin’ pills, gettin’ paid, answering people’s questions about everything from UTIs to sore throats to swine flu. Thus begins my first real career. As long as I don’t get too many people taking a dump in my store, I think I’ll be alright. 😛

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