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Archive for the ‘WTF?’ Category

Just a few days ago, I was helping out one of my regulars Mr. Ali with a question he had regarding using Tylenol versus Motrin for his 8 year-old daughter. While I was explaining the pros and cons of each, a man pushes his way in front of poor Mr. Ali, shoves a receipt in my face, and says:

“Excuse me ma’am, that girl over there just overcharged me 53 cents.”

Seriously? SERIOUSLY?

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Remember that cool dude who would come by to check his blood pressure? He’s gone from cool to creepy. And from creepy to stalkerish.

He came by to check his blood pressure as usual, and before he left, he said “I feel like I see you here all the time! Do they make you work here every day?” I told him I actually only worked at that particular location just once a week, and that I was usually at another store the rest of the time. “Oh really? Where else?” I made the mistake of telling him. Because the next week, he FREAKIN’ SHOWED UP AT MY HOME STORE. Ok, kinda weird, but he didn’t bother me…just came by, waved hello, took his blood pressure and left. Again, kinda weird that he followed me from one store to another, but I still considered it harmless.

Then a few weeks later he comes by my home store again, says hello to me, and says “I haven’t seen you in 4 weeks! I’ve been coming here to check my blood pressure on the machine and you haven’t been here! That’s too long!” Hang on…you’ve been counting? And you came here continuously for FOUR WEEKS to find me? I admire the persistence, but most people would kinda give up after a while…and if you’ve got questions about your blood pressure, my other two colleagues are more than qualified to help you out, but I can see that’s no longer your primary purpose of visiting. Your status has instantly shot up from “kinda weird” to straight-up “creepy.” He asked for my business card so he can call to see when I’m here. I probably should’ve lied and said we didn’t have business cards, but I ended up giving him one, because I’m a terrible liar, and I figured if he called my store, he’d still have to weave through all the automated prompts and whatnot first, and even after that he’d probably end up having the phone answered by one of my technicians instead, so I’ve got somewhat of a filter already.

The next week, I was back at Store B (where this dude met me to begin with), and while I was working, he shows up AGAIN to take his blood pressure. I’m not sure why he’s at Store B this time around instead of following me at Store A, but he spots me, says hello, and tells me that he tried calling me at Store A, got frustrated with the automated prompts, and just decided to show up at the stores to see if I was there. You called, then went to Store A, and when you didn’t spot me there, you came here to Store B to find me?? Don’t you have anything better to do with your time?? Store A and Store B are pretty close to each other, but if you REALLY need to check your blood pressure, the machine at Store A would have worked just fine. Instead you decide to make an extra trip to Store B just to find me. How cute. And unsettling. Status has now been updated from “creepy” to “stalkerish.”

Then yesterday, the phone rings. And it’s him at the other end of the line. He seems WAY too excited to hear me. He says “Hello! It’s your friend Mr. Stalker! I finally got the courage to call! How are you doing?” Dude, this is my WORK PHONE. You don’t call me just to talk. You call if you have a question, if you need a prescription refill, even if you want to find out where the toilet paper is. But it’s NOT a freakin’ chat line. Even my friends and family don’t call me on this line just to chat. I put you on hold, and ask my technician to pick up the line, and tell her to tell him I’m with a patient (in which it actually turned out to be true, because once I put him on hold, a patient had walked up asking for a consultation). My tech is having a good laugh out of this, and after hearing her tell him repeatedly “Can I help you with something? No sir, she’s with a patient right now, but can I help you? I understand that, but she’s with a patient, is there something you need help with?”, he hung up. I think I need to start introducing myself as Optimus Prime when I answer the phone now.

Maybe I should break the blood pressure machines so I’d have to direct him somewhere else the next time he wants to see if he’s got a pulse.

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Dear Mr. FluCrier,

You’re friendly enough. You’re not exactly rude to me or my staff. But you’re just plain OBNOXIOUS. I could do an entire entry dedicated to your usual obnoxious behavior, but you REALLY went over your usual level of annoyance when you decided this time to be obnoxious not just to my staff, but to other patients as well.

There was a couple getting flu shots from my colleague. You happened to come to the pharmacy around that time. You were about to stop at the drop off window to ask my technician for a prescription refill, when you spotted these two strangers about to get a flu shot. You then decided to walk past the drop-off window, and make a beeline straight for these two people who were about to get their vaccines. My co-worker was in the middle of giving the shot, with the syringe in hand, perfectly poised and ready to inject the person with some good ol’ flu protection, when you decided to barge in (excuse you?) and ask the couple “Why are you getting a flu shot? I wouldn’t do it!” You then decided to share with the couple that the last time you had a flu shot, you got HORRIBLY sick, and felt the need to tell them that you’d NEVER get another flu shot again. NEVER NEVER NEVER. All of this is happening while my poor co-worker has the syringe already in his hand, in position to be injected. He’s got a shocked “What the fuck is your problem?” look on his face. The couple politely smiled and nodded. You look satisfied with informing these two complete strangers that they were doomed to be deathly ill from their injections, and then strolled back to the drop-off window to ask for your prescription refill. After the couple had received their flu shots, they decided to hang around the waiting area for a while. I don’t know if they were waiting on a ride or anything of the sort, but they were minding their own business, reading magazines and chatting amongst themselves. My tech and I finish your prescription, and my tech rings you up for your meds. You could’ve been like any other normal human being and simply walked out with your prescription and moved on with your life, but that’s not how you roll. Because instead of simply walking out and carrying on with your day, you decide to finalize your status as “Annoying Asshole of the Day” by turning to the newly-vaccinated couple, and say to them “I really hope you two don’t get sick…but I think you will,” and then you walked off, again looking satisfied that you just informed these two people that they were apparently about to meet their doom from the half a milliliter of liquid that was just injected into their arms.

Really? Was that really necessary?? Do you walk up to people eating sushi and say “Is that raw fish? I hope you won’t die from mercury poisoning, but I think you will” ? I appreciate your concern for the health of others, but this is a case where “mind your own fucking business” kinda comes into play. Just a little.

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I’ve got a pair of regulars that come by my store a lot, Ted and Teddy (not their real names, but their names DO have the similar rings to them though :-)), and we’re friendly enough with each other that if things are kind of slow in the store when they come by, they’ll just hang around and chat with me for a bit. Today they came by to pick up some scripts and make a few other purchases, and Teddy tells me:

“How ya doin’ today? Oh, and FYI, there’s these two guys over in the dental aisle, and I definitely overheard one guy tell the other ‘Don’t worry, as long as we tell the cops the same story, they won’t find the kilos.’ You know, just in case you wanted to know that there’s some not-so-secret drug meeting going on over at uh…*looks over at the dental aisle*…aisle 8, yeah!”

Apparently my store is a hub for selling drugs in more ways than one, haha.

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Dear Mr. StupidWithAnAttitude,

If you haven’t noticed by now, you’re one of the few people that I’m forced to be curt with, because the minute I show any degree of friendliness, you suddenly feel like you can get special treatment. Or that I can suddenly do magical favors and materialize special products out of thin air just for you. Your high demands for just about everything in life never fail to amaze me. Just one example:

  • One day you walked in complaining to me that you’ve been feeling really bloated and need something to “detoxify” yourself. I point out our own colon detox cleansing system. You look at the box and say “I want the BEST thing you have.” I keep things short and sweet with you, because I know if I don’t give a firm answer, you’ll keep pestering me for eons about useless shit. I tell you it’s a good product, I’ve seen plenty of other customers use it, and haven’t heard of any issues. You look at the box a little more and nod approvingly. Then you ask me if it’ll help with bloating. I point to the part on the box where it says in big freakin’ capital letters “REDUCES BLOATING.” You look at it, then shake your head with disapproval and say “No, I don’t want something that just reduces bloating, I want something that will leave me with NO bloating.” Then you look at me like I’m an idiot for recommending such an inferior product. I tell you through gritted teeth that that’s all we’ve got, so either take it or stop bitching and go the fuck home.

That’s just ONE of many incidents that I’ve had with you, all with similar results. Which leads me to today:

  • You walk in, and again, you ask for me. How cute, you know me by name. No, that doesn’t give you any special treatment. You ask me if we sell travel masks. I point to aisle 12 and tell you you’ll find them there. You wander off to aisle 12. Then you freakin’ SHOUT for me from the aisle, and tell me “I don’t see them, they’re not here. You said aisle 12,” and wave for me to come to you in the aisle like I’m some servant. I decide to be defiant (HELL no I’m not walking over there like a dog) and simply shout back “Look on the bottom of the shelf, on your right hand side.” You magically find the masks that you previously claimed weren’t there. But noooooo….knowing you, just finding the product isn’t enough, because every time you find something, you ALWAYS BRING IT BACK TO ME TO PESTER ME ABOUT IT. You bring back the masks, and you point out that it says “Procedural Facemasks” on the packaging. You look at it disapprovingly (why do I go through this same song and dance with you EVERY FUCKING TIME?), and ask me if they can be used for travel masks. What I wanted to say was “YES YOU CAN FUCKING USE THEM FOR TRAVEL”…what I actually said was “Yes, you can use those for travel.” You look at the box some more, look at me like I’m an idiot for suggesting such an inferior product, and declare that it’s not what you’re looking for. You also point out that it’s a box of 50, and you don’t need 50. I tell you that’s all we have on the shelves. You look at me, and point out again that you don’t need 50 masks. I point out AGAIN that all we’ve got are boxes of 50. AGAIN you mutter to yourself that you don’t need 50 masks. Look jackass, first of all, apparently this wasn’t what you were looking for to begin with, so why is quantity even an issue? And I’m definitely not going to open the box and just sell you a handful of masks, no matter how many fucking times you tell me you don’t need 50 freakin’ masks. Take it or leave it, dude. And don’t look at me like I’m an idiot when you’re the one asking the stupid questions.

Mr. StupidWithAnAttitude, you can’t seem to even buy a box of Kleenex without asking me some inane question about it, and then you always disapprove of my answers, and look at me like I just told you to go give my manager a blowjob. If you don’t like the answers I give you or the products I recommend, then WHY DO YOU KEEP ON FUCKING ASKING? Are you doing this on purpose? Are you just picking on me? Am I on Candid Camera? I actually kind of hope that you ARE doing this on purpose, because I hate to imagine that anyone could possibly be that stupid AND entitled at the same time. And no, you’re not going to shit out cotton balls if you eat some of that Kleenex, thanks for asking.

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Flu season is upon us, which means I’ve been sticking needles in people’s arms so they don’t end up catching the bug. Now and then I get people refusing to get a flu shot, some for good reason, others for reasons that I have no choice but to classify them in the category of STUPID.

Decent reason to refuse:
I had a family come in asking about our flu shots. When I informed them that it was an all-in-one dose that included the H1N1 vaccine (aka swine flu), they politely refused. They were uncomfortable with getting the H1N1 part of it, and just wanted the seasonal flu shot. I assured them it was proven to be safe, but I wasn’t going to push it if they weren’t comfortable…I’ll admit I was a little wary of the H1N1 vaccine as well when it first came out, just because I felt like it was released into the market WAY too quickly as a kneejerk reaction to last year’s outbreak. I’d say it’s a pretty good legitimate reason to refuse the flu shot.

Stupid reason to refuse:
I had a guy come in to ask about our flu shots. I wasn’t too swamped with work at the time, so I told him I could get him to fill out some paperwork, prepare one for him, and have him out in about 15 minutes. He exclaims “15 MINUTES?? For a SHOT? You can’t just give it to me?? Forget it,” and storms off. Listen jackass, if you went to your doctor’s office, you’d probably be waiting for 15 minutes just to have them call your name out before you even get a chance to SEE the poor schmuck that has to stick a needle in you.

Even stupider reason to refuse:
Some dude asks me about flu shots. Again, I’m not too terribly busy at the moment, so I tell him I can get him to fill out some paperwork and have one out for him in about 15 minutes…he tells me he’s in a hurry, but says he’ll come back the next day. In cases like these, I prepare as much of the paperwork as I can ahead of time, and have the syringe drawn up and ready to go. This way when he shows up the next day, all he needs to do is fill out the consent form, and then I can ring him up and pop the needle in his arm. He shows up the next day, and I’ve got everything ready for him. I give him the consent form and ask him to fill it out. He looks at the form and says “Oh no no no, I didn’t want to fill out any paperwork.” I politely tell him it wouldn’t take long, and that all he needed to do was fill it out and sign it at the bottom. He says “No no, I left my glasses at home…if I knew there was paperwork for me to fill out, I wouldn’t have bothered with the shot. I don’t want to waste my time on this!” And he walks away.

Uhh…I guess good luck on finding a flu shot that DOESN’T require some form of paperwork.

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Today I had a lady bring me two boxes of contact lens solution to me to ask what the difference was between the two of them. I tell her they’re basically the same thing, and point to the bigger box and tell her that it’s actually a better deal, because you get two WAY bigger bottles for a cheaper price. Before I even get a chance to say anything else, she TEARS OPEN the bigger box in front of me to look at the bottles inside, declares that she wouldn’t be able to take them on a plane, and tells me she’ll buy the smaller box. What the hell? That’s like going to a china shop, breaking a plate, then refusing to pay for it because it wasn’t the one you wanted. I politely tell her that since she already TORE THE F*CKIN’ BOX OPEN, she’d have to pay for it. Instead of having the sensible reaction of “Oops, I’m sorry, let me go ahead and buy that” (because that would make WAY too much sense), she instead rolls her eyes and says “Are you serious? But I can’t carry these on a plane!” I politely (through gritted teeth) tell her yes, I’m serious, and that she’d have to buy this box that she decided to nonchalantly tear open (thereby rendering it unfit for resale) in front of me. She asks “Can’t you just glue it back together?” (seriously? WTF?) I tell her no. She says “Well, I know *I* could glue it back together if I had some.” (awww…good for you..you mean you didn’t snort the glue when you were a kid? Or as an adult, for that matter?) She bitches some more, then hands me her card and says “Whatever, I can’t believe you’re making me pay an extra 6 dollars for something like this. Either way, thanks for your help.” I tell her no problem, in which she was quick to snap back “I was being sarcastic, I can’t believe you’re doing this.” I flash her a million dollar smile before my tech decides to be my savior and take over, since I had scripts waiting to be filled and phone calls to take.

I’ll be sure to take her advice on the glue. 😛

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