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Archive for November, 2010

Just a few days ago, I was helping out one of my regulars Mr. Ali with a question he had regarding using Tylenol versus Motrin for his 8 year-old daughter. While I was explaining the pros and cons of each, a man pushes his way in front of poor Mr. Ali, shoves a receipt in my face, and says:

“Excuse me ma’am, that girl over there just overcharged me 53 cents.”

Seriously? SERIOUSLY?

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Remember that cool dude who would come by to check his blood pressure? He’s gone from cool to creepy. And from creepy to stalkerish.

He came by to check his blood pressure as usual, and before he left, he said “I feel like I see you here all the time! Do they make you work here every day?” I told him I actually only worked at that particular location just once a week, and that I was usually at another store the rest of the time. “Oh really? Where else?” I made the mistake of telling him. Because the next week, he FREAKIN’ SHOWED UP AT MY HOME STORE. Ok, kinda weird, but he didn’t bother me…just came by, waved hello, took his blood pressure and left. Again, kinda weird that he followed me from one store to another, but I still considered it harmless.

Then a few weeks later he comes by my home store again, says hello to me, and says “I haven’t seen you in 4 weeks! I’ve been coming here to check my blood pressure on the machine and you haven’t been here! That’s too long!” Hang on…you’ve been counting? And you came here continuously for FOUR WEEKS to find me? I admire the persistence, but most people would kinda give up after a while…and if you’ve got questions about your blood pressure, my other two colleagues are more than qualified to help you out, but I can see that’s no longer your primary purpose of visiting. Your status has instantly shot up from “kinda weird” to straight-up “creepy.” He asked for my business card so he can call to see when I’m here. I probably should’ve lied and said we didn’t have business cards, but I ended up giving him one, because I’m a terrible liar, and I figured if he called my store, he’d still have to weave through all the automated prompts and whatnot first, and even after that he’d probably end up having the phone answered by one of my technicians instead, so I’ve got somewhat of a filter already.

The next week, I was back at Store B (where this dude met me to begin with), and while I was working, he shows up AGAIN to take his blood pressure. I’m not sure why he’s at Store B this time around instead of following me at Store A, but he spots me, says hello, and tells me that he tried calling me at Store A, got frustrated with the automated prompts, and just decided to show up at the stores to see if I was there. You called, then went to Store A, and when you didn’t spot me there, you came here to Store B to find me?? Don’t you have anything better to do with your time?? Store A and Store B are pretty close to each other, but if you REALLY need to check your blood pressure, the machine at Store A would have worked just fine. Instead you decide to make an extra trip to Store B just to find me. How cute. And unsettling. Status has now been updated from “creepy” to “stalkerish.”

Then yesterday, the phone rings. And it’s him at the other end of the line. He seems WAY too excited to hear me. He says “Hello! It’s your friend Mr. Stalker! I finally got the courage to call! How are you doing?” Dude, this is my WORK PHONE. You don’t call me just to talk. You call if you have a question, if you need a prescription refill, even if you want to find out where the toilet paper is. But it’s NOT a freakin’ chat line. Even my friends and family don’t call me on this line just to chat. I put you on hold, and ask my technician to pick up the line, and tell her to tell him I’m with a patient (in which it actually turned out to be true, because once I put him on hold, a patient had walked up asking for a consultation). My tech is having a good laugh out of this, and after hearing her tell him repeatedly “Can I help you with something? No sir, she’s with a patient right now, but can I help you? I understand that, but she’s with a patient, is there something you need help with?”, he hung up. I think I need to start introducing myself as Optimus Prime when I answer the phone now.

Maybe I should break the blood pressure machines so I’d have to direct him somewhere else the next time he wants to see if he’s got a pulse.

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Just an FYI:

If you’re an oxycodone junkie, I’ll admit that coming in with crutches and limping like your leg just snapped in half is a nice touch. You’re already putting in more work than most other junkies who waltz in and just shove the script at me, giving me this look like a kid hoping mommy is going to let them stay up past 9pm eating candy and playing video games. A for effort.

The part where you fail miserably is when your “doctor” has clearly written “back and lumbar pain” as the diagnosis on your prescription. Next time you come in with a bloody nose I’m sure you’ll have a script that says “eye herpes.”

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