Dear Mr. StupidWithAnAttitude,

If you haven’t noticed by now, you’re one of the few people that I’m forced to be curt with, because the minute I show any degree of friendliness, you suddenly feel like you can get special treatment. Or that I can suddenly do magical favors and materialize special products out of thin air just for you. Your high demands for just about everything in life never fail to amaze me. Just one example:

  • One day you walked in complaining to me that you’ve been feeling really bloated and need something to “detoxify” yourself. I point out our own colon detox cleansing system. You look at the box and say “I want the BEST thing you have.” I keep things short and sweet with you, because I know if I don’t give a firm answer, you’ll keep pestering me for eons about useless shit. I tell you it’s a good product, I’ve seen plenty of other customers use it, and haven’t heard of any issues. You look at the box a little more and nod approvingly. Then you ask me if it’ll help with bloating. I point to the part on the box where it says in big freakin’ capital letters “REDUCES BLOATING.” You look at it, then shake your head with disapproval and say “No, I don’t want something that just reduces bloating, I want something that will leave me with NO bloating.” Then you look at me like I’m an idiot for recommending such an inferior product. I tell you through gritted teeth that that’s all we’ve got, so either take it or stop bitching and go the fuck home.

That’s just ONE of many incidents that I’ve had with you, all with similar results. Which leads me to today:

  • You walk in, and again, you ask for me. How cute, you know me by name. No, that doesn’t give you any special treatment. You ask me if we sell travel masks. I point to aisle 12 and tell you you’ll find them there. You wander off to aisle 12. Then you freakin’ SHOUT for me from the aisle, and tell me “I don’t see them, they’re not here. You said aisle 12,” and wave for me to come to you in the aisle like I’m some servant. I decide to be defiant (HELL no I’m not walking over there like a dog) and simply shout back “Look on the bottom of the shelf, on your right hand side.” You magically find the masks that you previously claimed weren’t there. But noooooo….knowing you, just finding the product isn’t enough, because every time you find something, you ALWAYS BRING IT BACK TO ME TO PESTER ME ABOUT IT. You bring back the masks, and you point out that it says “Procedural Facemasks” on the packaging. You look at it disapprovingly (why do I go through this same song and dance with you EVERY FUCKING TIME?), and ask me if they can be used for travel masks. What I wanted to say was “YES YOU CAN FUCKING USE THEM FOR TRAVEL”…what I actually said was “Yes, you can use those for travel.” You look at the box some more, look at me like I’m an idiot for suggesting such an inferior product, and declare that it’s not what you’re looking for. You also point out that it’s a box of 50, and you don’t need 50. I tell you that’s all we have on the shelves. You look at me, and point out again that you don’t need 50 masks. I point out AGAIN that all we’ve got are boxes of 50. AGAIN you mutter to yourself that you don’t need 50 masks. Look jackass, first of all, apparently this wasn’t what you were looking for to begin with, so why is quantity even an issue? And I’m definitely not going to open the box and just sell you a handful of masks, no matter how many fucking times you tell me you don’t need 50 freakin’ masks. Take it or leave it, dude. And don’t look at me like I’m an idiot when you’re the one asking the stupid questions.

Mr. StupidWithAnAttitude, you can’t seem to even buy a box of Kleenex without asking me some inane question about it, and then you always disapprove of my answers, and look at me like I just told you to go give my manager a blowjob. If you don’t like the answers I give you or the products I recommend, then WHY DO YOU KEEP ON FUCKING ASKING? Are you doing this on purpose? Are you just picking on me? Am I on Candid Camera? I actually kind of hope that you ARE doing this on purpose, because I hate to imagine that anyone could possibly be that stupid AND entitled at the same time. And no, you’re not going to shit out cotton balls if you eat some of that Kleenex, thanks for asking.


I was out at a bar with a friend earlier tonight, and there was a girl trying to take a picture of her friends, while there was another guy standing by. My friend offered to take a picture for them, when the guy suddenly spots me and says “Dude, you’re my pharmacist!! You’re awesome!!”

I was a little taken aback, but then I remembered him when he told me “Yeah, you and your tech worked on making my $50 prescription down to $15 with all those coupons and phone calls! You’re like the friendliest pharmacist I’d ever run into! I remember this lady showed up in line with a cart full of shit like Depends diapers and was asking for coupons and all that, and you still had a smile on your face the whole time! You’re awesome!” Holy crap. I DO remember this guy. Then came the line of the night:

“You and your tech are awesome! You guys are like a SUPERBOWL TEAM.”

I love it, haha. I told him how good it was to hear that, because with all the bitching I hear in a day, it’s good to know that we’re appreciated. We chatted some more, and then he ran off to be with his friends. A night with friends, drinks, AND a compliment from a patient? Sounds like a good night to me. 🙂

Flu season is upon us, which means I’ve been sticking needles in people’s arms so they don’t end up catching the bug. Now and then I get people refusing to get a flu shot, some for good reason, others for reasons that I have no choice but to classify them in the category of STUPID.

Decent reason to refuse:
I had a family come in asking about our flu shots. When I informed them that it was an all-in-one dose that included the H1N1 vaccine (aka swine flu), they politely refused. They were uncomfortable with getting the H1N1 part of it, and just wanted the seasonal flu shot. I assured them it was proven to be safe, but I wasn’t going to push it if they weren’t comfortable…I’ll admit I was a little wary of the H1N1 vaccine as well when it first came out, just because I felt like it was released into the market WAY too quickly as a kneejerk reaction to last year’s outbreak. I’d say it’s a pretty good legitimate reason to refuse the flu shot.

Stupid reason to refuse:
I had a guy come in to ask about our flu shots. I wasn’t too swamped with work at the time, so I told him I could get him to fill out some paperwork, prepare one for him, and have him out in about 15 minutes. He exclaims “15 MINUTES?? For a SHOT? You can’t just give it to me?? Forget it,” and storms off. Listen jackass, if you went to your doctor’s office, you’d probably be waiting for 15 minutes just to have them call your name out before you even get a chance to SEE the poor schmuck that has to stick a needle in you.

Even stupider reason to refuse:
Some dude asks me about flu shots. Again, I’m not too terribly busy at the moment, so I tell him I can get him to fill out some paperwork and have one out for him in about 15 minutes…he tells me he’s in a hurry, but says he’ll come back the next day. In cases like these, I prepare as much of the paperwork as I can ahead of time, and have the syringe drawn up and ready to go. This way when he shows up the next day, all he needs to do is fill out the consent form, and then I can ring him up and pop the needle in his arm. He shows up the next day, and I’ve got everything ready for him. I give him the consent form and ask him to fill it out. He looks at the form and says “Oh no no no, I didn’t want to fill out any paperwork.” I politely tell him it wouldn’t take long, and that all he needed to do was fill it out and sign it at the bottom. He says “No no, I left my glasses at home…if I knew there was paperwork for me to fill out, I wouldn’t have bothered with the shot. I don’t want to waste my time on this!” And he walks away.

Uhh…I guess good luck on finding a flu shot that DOESN’T require some form of paperwork.

I had a guy come by with a script for birth control for his wife. They didn’t have insurance, so he asked me how much it would be. I looked it up in the computer, and it came out to be $85.96 per pack. He looks at me in disbelief and exclaims “What?? Why is it so expensive?” I told him there was no generic for this particular type of birth control, and therefore it tends to cost a bit more. Then comes the fun part:

Mr. Magic Discount: “But my doctor said it would be $24.00!”
Me: “Umm…is that with a coupon?”
Mr. Magic Discount: “Yes! He gave me a card for it!”
Me: “Ok…do you have that coupon card with you?”
Mr. Magic Discount: “No, it’s at home!”
Me: “I can’t give you the discount unless I have the card.”
Mr. Magic Discount: “Oh.”

There’s this friendly lil’ middle-aged African man who doesn’t fill prescriptions, but always comes in to use our blood pressure machine. He came by today, so I said hello. He says “Hello there! Mind if I use your machine?” I say hello back, and tell him of course he can use the machine, and ask how he’s doing. He tells me he’s doing well, and says “It’s Friday!” I tell him “I know! You have any plans for the long weekend?” His response?

“I will if you ask me out!”

AWESOME, haha. We had a good laugh, then he says “Ok, let’s see if the machine says I’ll live today!”, and goes on measuring his blood pressure. He finished and says “Good, looks like I’m not dying today. Have a great weekend!” and scampered off. Hell, if this dude keeps up with this kind of banter, he can sit at that blood pressure machine all day for all I care. 🙂

Today I had a lady bring me two boxes of contact lens solution to me to ask what the difference was between the two of them. I tell her they’re basically the same thing, and point to the bigger box and tell her that it’s actually a better deal, because you get two WAY bigger bottles for a cheaper price. Before I even get a chance to say anything else, she TEARS OPEN the bigger box in front of me to look at the bottles inside, declares that she wouldn’t be able to take them on a plane, and tells me she’ll buy the smaller box. What the hell? That’s like going to a china shop, breaking a plate, then refusing to pay for it because it wasn’t the one you wanted. I politely tell her that since she already TORE THE F*CKIN’ BOX OPEN, she’d have to pay for it. Instead of having the sensible reaction of “Oops, I’m sorry, let me go ahead and buy that” (because that would make WAY too much sense), she instead rolls her eyes and says “Are you serious? But I can’t carry these on a plane!” I politely (through gritted teeth) tell her yes, I’m serious, and that she’d have to buy this box that she decided to nonchalantly tear open (thereby rendering it unfit for resale) in front of me. She asks “Can’t you just glue it back together?” (seriously? WTF?) I tell her no. She says “Well, I know *I* could glue it back together if I had some.” (awww…good for you..you mean you didn’t snort the glue when you were a kid? Or as an adult, for that matter?) She bitches some more, then hands me her card and says “Whatever, I can’t believe you’re making me pay an extra 6 dollars for something like this. Either way, thanks for your help.” I tell her no problem, in which she was quick to snap back “I was being sarcastic, I can’t believe you’re doing this.” I flash her a million dollar smile before my tech decides to be my savior and take over, since I had scripts waiting to be filled and phone calls to take.

I’ll be sure to take her advice on the glue. 😛

I was taking down a script from a doctor’s office today, and I had the following “duh” moment:

Nurse Susie: “Hi, this is Susie from Dr. Gimmemeds’s office, calling in a new script.”
Me: “Ok, no problem, *grabs a script pad*…go ahead.
Nurse Susie: “Ok, this is for patient John Smith.”
*writes down the name*…ok, and what’s Mr. Smith’s last name?
Nurse Susie: “…uh, Smith.”
Me: “Oh god, I’m sorry, I meant what was his date of birth? It’s Monday, can you tell?”